Fear and Loathing in California

Possiable Endometriosis

2006-06-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

I am tired of pain.

everything works out for the best...

2005-11-29T09:46:00.000-08:00

unless you are me. I am convinced I am supposed to learn this lesson in this lifetime where when it really counts I stand up for myself, but to this day it's a crap shoot. And I am always left hanging... just expecting people to do the right things and keep everyones best interests in mind. And not forget things.

I (still) hate thanksgiving...

2005-11-22T23:45:00.000-08:00

food!
I think turkey is best served as processed as possible, on a sour dough roll... with lots of avocado! Mashed potatoes are ok as long as they are done right; when they are lumpy it's just gross. Or even better GARLIC MASHED POTATOES... ummm but everything is better with garlic. And stuffing... what the hell is that??? Someone took some stale bread and shoved it up a bird’s ass. WHO THOUGHT OF THAT... REALLY could I please have some squishy bird ass bread? Cranberries and I are cool. Not sure really why... they are really not that great. If I am lucky, there will be salad... green salad... not that fruit, marshmallow mayo crap. And the green bean casserole thing with the onion crap... why would you do that to green beans?
So happy holidays kids... enjoy your Thanxgvn feast to xmas music... cause its everywhere now... what the hell.
Sorry, I am done.
(gravy is gross too)
(and football is boring)
(and who really watches the parade)
(I mean really, we are celebrating the slaughter of native Americans...)

Not Hot

2005-11-09T14:24:00.000-08:00

I am not hot anymore! I used to be. Even with "a little more to love" I could be a cutie. I am not anymore. I am a mom, with a big Post baby Gut. It's a Gut. I used to have a tummy, a stomach, a waist, a middle... now I have a fuckin gut! And Don't Tell Me "now you have a girl." I know, she is the best thing ever! That does not change the 20 lbs IN MY GUT.
Buying clothes is depressing. Nothing Fits Right. I do baby boot camp! Nothing changes. I breastfeed, no pounds melt away. I have 200 lbs since she was born and I am SICK AND TIRED OF IT. I wasn't a skinny minnie... and I didn't want to be.

Sorry. Don't read this post. It's self indulgent bull.

I don't know what I am going to do

2005-10-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

Ms. Diva still wont take a bottle. My work did not approve my second scheduling request
and then suggested I go on Family Medical Leave. Which does not pay, but saves my job. So I get the hint... and I am not sure I even want to go back when this is all over. This is very rough, Captain and I can't survive on just what he makes. I am trying to get back on disability, but we don't know how that will turn out... and we only get one more check of paid family leave.
In other words... shit shit shit...

It's very thin ice... and I barely know how to skate...

And I think to myself... "self remember when your problems were stupid?"
"well that's unfair, don't you think?"

So wish me luck...

we have an appt. to battle it out with the doc on monday... and i have a pumpkin to carve...

and a daughter to put into her "da cheat" costume...

Sick

2005-10-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

ms. diva (my 10 week old) has a tiny cough today, in fact, everything seems tiny about her today... My husband Captain Jack is sick too, and some how I am fine so far. I called the advice nurse to make sure everything is on the up and up, and it is now, but county is so carefull, especially with new babies.

I'm going to see the dr. myself tomorrow, to see if I have PPD. It was so scary to type that sentence... I think an alarm in camp Cruse just went off, and scientologists will soon be deployed to my house to talk about the benefits of aliens and vitamins. But anyway...
I haven't been myself, i've been tired, anxious, not sleeping... but because i feel totaly connected to my little girl, I kept telling myself I was fine... so i have been really good at taking care of her, and that's about it...

Clothing flip

2005-10-05T21:57:00.000-07:00

Seeing that my 2 month old, that from now on I will call Diva (not because she is one, but for a position she sleeps in) had out grown an outfit, I found it was time to get rid of some things. It's crazy to me because she is only 2 moths old... but she is really tall for her age, 23 inches to be exact, and 11 and 1/2 lbs. It was a bittersweet moment...
Then I watched nanny 911... now I am terrified. I've never seen the show before, but the simple gist is bad American parents get schooled by good English nannies. The kids were bad, they bit, hit and spit on their mother and there was 4 of them. Turns out dad has anger issues, screams at mom, and uses a belt. Kids are so frustrated; they take it out on mom twice as hard.
I was in the DMV with D the other day... and a mom sat down next to me with 2 kids, one in a stroller and one in about 6 or 7. Within 60 seconds of her sitting down she down she screamed "Sit down, sit down now, sit down now or I will smack you." They had a 30 sec stare down, and then the kid sat.
How does that happen? Do parents go from doting every second, loving every moment... to screaming and hitting ... or are they always like that from day one. I fear that one day everything snaps, and parents start bad behavior that feels near impossible to change... and it just snowballs...

the failed blog

2005-09-21T20:48:00.000-07:00

Doc. Worm linked to me so I feel as though I should write something... But the baby (8 weeks old... and still has no nickname) has been eating and eating and eating so that she sleeps in larger chunks during the night. I get so tired it's hard to do anything. My nights are spent feeding ever half hour, I am not kidding.

And she wants to eat now...
I have failed as a blogger...

Baby

2005-09-08T16:58:00.000-07:00

Dear baby,

I wish I could protect you in your dreams.

Love,
Mom

"I already know the ending It's the part that makes your face implode

2005-08-14T14:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know what makes your face implode
But that's the way the movie ends"

I feel abandoned by people my age ... there i said it... and it was Angie's job to call people and let them know my Baby was born... I don't know why she didn't... probably because I didn't tell her to while i was there... between the shock, sugery and morphine... i am not supprised i didn't remind her...

but cap'n's friends didn't need to be directly invited... they just came...

I feel like everyone loved my pregnancy and got scared when I had the baby...

or maybe i just have the "baby blues"...

Things I have been needing to say

2005-07-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

Dear:

Guy Across the Street: You are an ass! Move! And stay out of my shit... ass
Ridley: This is your two week eviction notice, you have been warned
Mom: There is nothing wrong with wanting a diaper pail, and not wanting an episiotomy
People up stairs: You should also move, you are loud and do not know how to care for your animals... Read a book... And how many of you are there anyway...
Guy at the auto dismantler: You want me to pay you $50.00 to take my car... fuck you
Heatherly: don't worry so much
Cap'n: WORK LESS
Maria: SHOP LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, do not put half the store in your cart and then debate the high and low points of purchasing each item... IT'S WALLMART... the beef jerky you picked up for your boyfriend is probably not going to break the bank... and get out of my shit... i don't care if there is no seal on my conditioner and it could have been tampered with... IT'S FUCKING CONDITIONER
Hair: I am making plans to destroy you
Nesting instinct: feel free to kick in any time now
Garbage: take yourself out
Dad: fuck you
feet: fuck you too
Strech marks: yuck
Anyone not pregnant:You don't know what your talking about do you... no... then shut up... and choose your battles... and shut up again...

cash-less

2005-05-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

In case you're wondering,
I'm not buying it
and I don't really have any cash anyways
But as you pull your theoretical car to the curb
to, ponder, or muse
I'm gonna have my theoretical cigarette outside
no really
I wouldn't want to impose
wouldn't want to fuck the theory
now that would be cheating wouldn't it
and you have to many internal conversations going on

I wouldn't want my smoke to whisper
to loudly
to
interrupt

Great moments in human Husbandry

2005-04-15T20:29:00.000-07:00

Great Things My Great Husband has done for his pregnant wife Lately...

My husband:
Gets fruit salad, sometimes late at night
did my taxes
Gets me tea (all the time)
searched for my wedding ring, in the car, under the seat
rubs my back
rubs my feet
walks the dog
cleans the litter boxes
feeds all the animals (all 12 of them)
runs to the store, for dumb things, like sour cream
comes to all the dr.s apts
reads all my pregnancy books
listens to me babble when I am "hormonal"
goes to family functions

and is the biggest girl on the planet...

I love him!!!!

The truth according to prego the wonder bitch

2005-03-23T20:02:00.000-08:00

and her increasingly small crew...

Pregnancy is the most beautiful, wonderful and inspiring thing you can ever do??? Right, and it is a miracle, and every sperm in sacred... AND YOU GLOW... right...

No. First Off, everyone is in permanent awe of you, which is fun for a while... unless you are a socially retarded shut in like me... who sees pregnancy as the result of sex... and not necessarily beautiful, wonderful and inspiring... 'CAUSE ALL MOST ANYONE COULD DO IT IF THEY REALLY WANTED TO...

Second (off) everyone is suddenly full of all kinds of cures to morning sickness... especially people who have never been pregnant... or those people who were only pregnant for a month... I have met A LOT of those...

Also I don't glow, I've been sick with every bug that has crossed my path since I started, everything makes me sad, I have had non stop abdominal and chest pain for 3 months, I am tired all the time, I am now convinced no one likes me... and the other day I read an article about how you don't automatically love the kid that just pushed out of your womb... like everyone says they do... and I think that must be totally true, which makes me think about my relationship with my parents... or lack there of... Then I realize my life is over... and I have pretty much accepted that...

People treat you differently... and that is the saddest part of all. I don't honestly know why, because I am the same... I just don't drink... and I have cool "when I was in the dr's office again” stories... but no... sometimes I think people can't handle small changes, and if you do act completely CHANGED, people will change for you, or assign changes to you... and They don't let you lift... which is kinda nice... if you like that sorta thing, (but i don't)...

and at 23, in a time where more and more people are decding to wait longer and longer to have kids (or deciding to never have them) I am really alone...

oh and Kicking hurts... so it's not that cute right now...

today can kiss my ass...

2005-03-15T22:18:00.000-08:00

My husband's train hit/killed a guy in a wheel chair...
My favorite patient, Cousin Weezer Died... Suddenly
I have a cold...
Halle Berry was number 1 on VH1's 100 most wanted bodies...
today is teh suck...

and I am sharing a "dangerous" Poem... it's old...

If I were sex I would live in a zoo
Give into my unlocked cage door
-pet me
but I am going to bite you
If sex were an animal
she would show at my
window
Begging
For the Dove
in my cage
well
The cage has no doors
So you have my blessing
rip inside
But you wont catch me

behind my white
is a child
behind that child is my
screaming
Mother
behind her
is her child
behind that child
is a
vicious
evil
man
eating
cycle ...

I'm amazed

2005-03-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

I Carry the pain you wont let me have
In a little golden box I am not aloud to touch
and your pain is so deep
That we can't have a conversation
without you disecting this mass
to the point of non-existence
I do not egsist
I am not a person
I am not alowed fellings
and you do not respect the ones I steal
at this point...
I will never be human to you
I am Misspelled Scriblings on an exuberant page
Not the sea without a mouth you hoped to birth
I don't fit into your plans
and you don't love what I've become
so Basicly
We're just a memory
(not) talking to a memory
But if the truth be told, i will loose, I will lose soon
and I will bleed
But you'll die first

amazed

speachless...

2005-02-21T00:42:00.000-08:00

Bye HST...

more to come when I am not so speachless...

Edith can not fix another engine...

2005-02-18T18:23:00.000-08:00

I am now a file clerk... I know how to save lives but no... I must file...

I have learned to hate the alphabet... and dumb people who can't file...
and file...

A Day in the life of Mrs. L In

Snark-0-vision

Alarm Goes Off @ 4am... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,Alarm Goes Off... Hit the snooze,

5:30 am fall out of bed... 10 second sponge bath... shalack hair to head (call it the wet look) ... swear to take a shower after work, or tomorrow morning...

puke

leave house, in the rain, wiperblades still broken

dodge dumb people on 4, in the rain, in the fog, half asleep

wake up in Richmond (how did I get here)

Bumper to bumper

Listen to the "Trash" on Alice (why do I know the name Ashley Simpson again)

get to work, wish I was a tech, get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,get to work, wish I was a tech,cry

file, get lecture about filing, file some more, get lecture about filing again, file faster... Get asked to do ten things that aren't my job, show people my job description, icy reception...

file

cry

take nap

file

listen to dr.'s msgs, catherize dr.'s msgs, threaten to catherize anything that

moves

lunch(nap)

forget I hate my life

return to work

everybody file, we are slaves

somebody reminds me "this is temporary"

cry

remember to hate my life

file

check dr's msgs

clock out without a word

sneak out the front door

bumper to bumper (randi randi Rah Rah Rah)

come home

find self on couch 3 hours later, haven't moved, put on pjs or... moved

be force fed by husband

stare blankly at wall

ignore phone

Laugh at nothing for 25 min, 42 sec... 3 nano sec, wonder why husband is

crying

cry

sleep

wake up in daze... cat... Smothering...

give into sweet release of death

repeat

Bye Arthur

2005-02-11T15:21:00.000-08:00

Some Animal Died.

Arthur Miller Died again i am sad.

But how are you?

Oh I'm ok (just ok)... A guy I used to make out with email me about how much he missed me... so I told him I've been married for a year... and am having a kid in July... not much new...

Sigh. My boss gave me 25$ in Fandango bucks... yep... sigh...

I have no poetry today... I would have to walk all the way to the closet for that.

I would like my husband to hook up the scanner so I can put up a real pic, till then I tote the tmbg like a pimp...

-later

sad

2005-02-10T18:31:00.000-08:00

I am SaD !
Very Very Sad!
SaD, Sad, Sad Sad, why must I be sad ...

what 4 days of no workie do to me

2005-02-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

I make the chicken work for me! Do not dishonor the chicken!

Best conversation my husband and I ever had!!!

2005-02-01T22:14:00.000-08:00

I went to the liquor store to get lotto tickets and said to my husband...
"I'm gonna go get some cigarettes, you need anything...???"
To which he said "...a coat hanger."

He he he Dark/pregnant humor is fun...

" And the Moral of the story is never lean on the weird. Or they will chop your head off. And perverts will eat your brains."-HST

How to go crazy in three easy steps...

2005-01-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

1. sit in your P.J.s all day long
2. don't accomplish anything, eat very little
3. look up old projects you and you abusive ex worked on together, just to make sure he never fucked up ur shit...

and That is all I have done today... and I don't know why.
But what am I talking about you ask??? There were to videos I did with my ex from about 3 lives ago... one that i wrote and we filmed maybe a 3rd to a 5th of... but anywho so times I get the fear that he is using them for his own dirty reason... and I google and no... nothin... so hopefully he's been slapped with that abuse charge I always wanted hi to have and he's writing storyboards on the walls of a tiny one room cell in his own poo while a "sister" gives him a break from the usual ass ramming...

um hum.
Honey
stuck in my head...

If a heart breaks in San Francisco, does it make a sound...

2005-01-28T20:37:00.000-08:00

January 25th, 2005

To ***** ****** and the management of ****:

This letter is in response to the suggestion that I be transferred to a position in reception. While I have carefully considered the proposal, I believe that there are unexplored alternatives that better suit the hospital’s needs and my own medical limitations.

There has been some discussion of making me into a treatment technician. I recognize that my feelings about such a position are somewhat mixed based on past experiences with another hospital, but in many ways it is ideally suited to my current needs. As a treatment tech, I would not be working with the anesthetic machines or x-rays. My doctor has assured me that as long as I wear gloves, there is no danger from handling animal feces. Toxoplasmosis is strictly transferred hand-to-mouth, and cannot be carried through the air. Furthermore, Dr. ******* has mentioned to me that things are more streamlined when I am covering treatments.

During those times when isoflorane is in use, there are many duties that I can perform off the treatment floor. I can charge out patients, run bloodwork, keep the laundry running smoothly, do TPR’s, unpack boxes, balance the drug logs, etc. The surgery technicians have been very good about warning me when anesthesia is in use, which enables me to safely shift my work away from the floor. Even though I’m pregnant, I can still perform a vast majority of my job duties. All it would take is some communication and coordination to make sure that I am always working where I am best able and most needed.

While a position in reception does remove me from some dangers, it carries with it a host of other issues and does not take advantage of my skills and experience. The bulk of my past experience has been as a technician, and not as clerical staff. My abilities are much better suited to comforting our patients than their owners. Also, shifting to a new position tends to be stressful, and this would be compounded by the simple reality of veterinary reception; namely, that the owners come to us worried and frustrated over the health of their pet, and the front desk staff often bear the brunt of those feelings. While exposure to isoflorane and x-rays would be dangerous to my pregnancy, they are avoidable dangers. Frequent exposure to high stress situations poses risks that are just as severe (hypertension or premature delivery to name a couple) but would be unavoidable in reception.

I understand that you proposed this move with my best interests at heart. However, I believe that we can find an alternative which is better suited to my current state. As my pregnancy progresses and my limitations become more pronounced such a move may become logical, but for the moment there are still many ways that I can serve the hospital as an effective technician without being exposed to unnecessary risks.

Sincerely,

***. *

Chicken Dance if you Want to...

2005-01-23T21:01:00.000-08:00

my week or so... in interpretive dance... or it would be if i hadn't hurt my back... but I'll get to that...

Sigh... My little Spaniard may be fired. I've never talked about her before and I can't really call her mine.... but whatever. Anywho I thinks she's great because she's 5 foot high and mean! Really Mean... ok not really mean... but she says the annoyed things I think all day... anywho a dr. doesn't like her and we'll see what happens... It's really hard to give her a name... but I'll think up something...

Then

I got pulled aside and told I was to be "moved" from the "back" to the "front"... IN OTHER WORDS... from tech to reception... which i hate... Pretty much I hate people... (and proper punctuation) I like animals... If I wanted to work with people I would have gone to nursing school and would be making 2-3 times what I make now... But I digress... In my opinion... there is no reason a 4 month preg woman can't work with out min restrictions... I mean Unless you know me you can't even tell...

So I cried... Then I went to my pre-nat and asked her to revise the letter which she did kinda... and made her put in all the other things I could do... like lift which the people at my work seem to think I shouldn't...

Then I got mad...

Then I got depressed and forced DR.Worm to hang out with me... instead of writing a clear and concise rebut to my boss about my abilities....

then I went to work, came home early, didn't work on it again... and slept for 15 hours... then I got up, had some food... leaned forward and hurt my back/pride...so here I am... on my last day... Wondering what my prob is... And I just got tiger balm in my eye...

hummmmm.... time for bad poetry,

(anybody got an ice pack)

(I wrote this one in high school)

Do you wonder where My soft side is

As I wonder - Highball off the edge of the world?

What have I done

Did I fall asleep for this life time

I am still real under this, all of this

I swear to god there is a human being hiding under all of this

you just have to be patient if you want to see her.

But I don't believe this is up for discussion!

I hear if you treat people like Crap

& they recognize it

your doing something wrong!

(and the rebut I wrote years later... I guess... I don't know, there is just a "highball" theme)

I Can't think how to start this

I remember being

and I remember a bust

and a pastor son's

Arm

Around my shoulders

and his ex

my friend

crying

and I remember

A young man

before his time

looking to him

with that "i'm so sorry look"

and he said

"hey dude,

you can do better"

Outside my tiny

White Paneled cell

The loud happy laughter

turns to whispers\as i flush

I wish to be carried up the stairs

I am so tired of being strong

With every kiss

I wish I was weak

I wish I had never walked

Highball

Off the edge of the world

I am thankfully for my sink

the sink makes lots

of noise

I Want

To Be Kept

runny, and rash

and I wish

We All Wish

and when I tell you

this is unfinished

I mean it, and when you read behind my back

I Know

I don't have this in me

And someday I will walk

from you

and her

Kissing & Excited

And I will walk

From you asking

"How have you been sleeping"

Some day I will realize being there

and open & honest isn't enough

and I will see

No strong sweet man at the bottom of the stairs

no hiding

Just me

Alone

at the end of a really

Long, Hallway.

I think if I every write a book of this rubbish I will call it prose...and giggle

"that's part of the new way..."

2005-01-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

New way?

I am to depressed to wax political anymore 'cept this... Thanks Babs...

Well now that that is over and done with I am now turing over a new leaf... or paper... whatever... Welcome to my poetry corner...

K... and I am sure I will babble now and then too... but even if I did it would be like "bla bla bla... some animal died..." and really... who needs that... or my poetry for that reason... shit...

ummmm... to late to abort now....(he he)

This one is also 3-5 years old... see I have this thing about not dating my poems... which I wish I had a pretty reason for... but I don't...

Sand

it's an easy sweep

you leave the room...

I listen to the easy sounds

clothes sliding off

Shower door opening and closing,

the slow sliding sound of denial and tension

the easy breath of "no"

not spoken, just felt

I need the bathroom and

waiting for you is like waiting for me

the minutes and seconds are like elephants tromping around a

desert

you know it should be loud

watching the large intentions slide into the sand

long nose poking out

large and ficticious i am,

but my words mean something,

when I don't speak

and the chance is over

my trying over and over again

you being you

whatever that means

and I will be me forever... and I could fuck you

fuck you over

spend your money

waist your time and hate and love you and keep you chasing

but I grew up

and I can actively standby and love but lose you, but know my dignity is still intact and god

damnit

I can need you all night but some nights you are not as great to me as I am to me

and I hate me

and you can stand by all you want

tugging your dick and running your hand through the air

but know these hands know and love you

and they know love isn't enough

you also have to put in an effort

you have to fucking try

and look

look at our connection

look how I tried

(no title, 5 years old, me-cakes)

If blood was the answer

then sex was the question and the catergory

Had nothing

To do with us...

You

The reason I run from me and

All the healthy little reasons

I drag this ridged black

Across a man I never knew...

What could you do with me

I am the next hereafter

And we are way over...

But... next time you see us

Be sure to say hi...

I am used to enjoying

the way we aren't

Poem I found crumpled, in a box, in a closet... Probably 3-5 years old...

2005-01-17T13:39:00.000-08:00

No title (as in it does not have a title, no that is the title)

Maybe I'm your inside-
wouldn't that be nice.
To find out just how rotten you can be,
no
your just rotten enough-
But cut me open and climb inside,
if you want-
We need to work From a place that doesn't
Believe your Best Work is Already Done.
But if that's to much
Escapism is the next best recourse-
you can escape with this piece of me.
Split your Lip open and we can
Be Blood sisters.
Seal the wound with a Coffee &
cigarettes Salve-
Feels Better
Don't it.
Take this piece as You take off,
Take it.

" and if I'm hanging on to your shade
I guess I'm way beyond the pale" -T.A., Doughnut song

... ben affleck is often in my dreams

2005-01-05T21:52:00.000-08:00

against my better judgment I have returned to an crowd of no one... I would like to say I took a brake upon finding out I was pregnant... yeah... that sounds pretty... but really I stopped because of 2 fears (1) the fear of becoming cute.... (2) no one cared/was reading/ they only cared when they were showcased... and I was right...

so why am i writing now... because it's the day before the electoral votes are counted... because I spent my evening watching 9/11... because I was verbally abused at work today... because when I tried to tell my husband about that he cut me off to tell me nothing... because everybody crys but no one actually cares... because most days i don't wanna be pregnant... because my motherinlaw was rude... because I am sad and tired... because I can't drink... can't smoke... cause I hate food... and water... and being sick... because every time I hear about the tsunami I burst into tears...because I am so so alone... even with my friends... because I am waiting for the other shoe to drop...

cause even randi didn't sound convincing today...

cause I truly have nothing to say

" I hear I am loved by millions, but no one calls" -Jewel

A Self Called Nowhere Lyrics

I'm sitting on the curb
By the empty parking lot
Of the store where they let me play the organ
I'm waiting for my ride
But I want to wait inside
Of the store where they let me play the organ
But I'm thinking of a wooden chair
In a room at the top of a stair
And I'm looking down the stairwell
At the vanishing dotOn the map of the spot
Let me take you there
The dotted line
Surrounding the mind
Of a self called nowhere
It's a thing named "it"
In a bottomless pit
You can't see it there
The sunken head
That lies in the bed
Of a self called nowhere
Standing in my yard
Where they tore down the garage
To make room for the torn down garage
I'm looking for my car
But I must have sold my car
When I needed to buy an electric organ
But I'm thinking of a wooden chair
In a room at the top of a stair
And I'm looking down the stairwell
At the vanishing dot
On the map of the spot
Let me take you there
The dotted line
Surrounding the mindOf a self called nowhere
It's a thing named "it"In a bottomless pit
You can't see it there
The sunken headThat lies in the bed
Of a self called nowhereNowhere
The vanishing dot
On the map of the spot
Let me take you there
The dotted line
Surrounding the mind
Of a self called nowhere
It's a thing named "it"In a bottomless pit
You can't see it there
The sunken head
That lies in the bed
Of a self called

P.S. L.B I think I am trully
ready for desert... guns..................and drugs..........

anything can happen with a razor

2004-11-28T21:47:00.000-08:00

Your Head A Splode

... sigh

Hate you...

2004-11-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

Tryptophan
monopuff

Tryptophan
I was wrong
It's an ordinary day
Tryptophan
It began
I was feeling like I am

By the leg of the bird
And the special day observed
I was mad
'Til I found
There was more to go around
Tryptophan

All alone
I was wrong
And there's much more going on
In my vein
In my mind
In my chemistry I'd find

Tryptophan
I'm awake
Like the calm breeze in the air
Like a swan on the lake
I'm not calm. That's my mistake.
Tryptophan

Happy Thanks Giving

The Grossest Things I ever heard of!!!

2004-11-23T18:08:00.000-08:00

a.k.a. things that make blood squirt out of C. J. 's eyes and make me scream, a.k.a. double +ungood

Worst Food...Turducken Ewwweewwww!!!!

Worst "News"...Tucker Carlson , A.K.A. "God, what did we ever do to you?"

Worst "News" Personality... Katie Couric , Satan...

Worst TV Personality Martha Stewart (don't drop the jail made, rosewood scented soap)

Worst "News" Channel (Must u ask) Fox "News"

Worst Thanksgiving tradition... The Food (Ugg)

I am not a Tnxgvn Food FAN... TO much food... and snacks beforehand to boot.... ugg... i have a big Fam.... Big Big Big... Let's see if I can remember the names of my aunts and uncles...
(deep breath)

Dick- in New York, I am an ass, I know so little, married, kids, I believe lost a child recently
Doug-Married to Kay, no kids
Terry- Married 2wice, two kids David (also married with 2 kids) and Shannon, 1 kid
Larry(Dick)- divorced wife Diane (mom) who brings boyfriend of 10 years, 2 kids, Mrs. L(brings husband of 8 months Captain Jack) and Dan
Dar- married to Mitch, 3 kids
David- Married, wife C.J. has 2 kids
Debbie- Married to Kevin, 1 new born, Jack :)
Mark-single, two kids from a previous relationship we love as our own

Grandma Maxine, GrandPa (Husband) Keith (Grandpa Cecil Passed away years ago)

and then there are more, Sooooo Many... I tried to get the inlaws to come... but they changed the subject... so yeah...

Happy ThanksGiving... Hope u get Fat(er)
(no, there was no real point)

Songs in my head.

Poe

Billy Joel

Kill VS. Kind

2004-11-23T13:18:00.000-08:00

I told Dr.Worm to blog more... and he said..."why, you updated recently?"

I am meaner then C.Jack Lately... we have some sickies in our large fuzzy fam... and some are ready to go... sounds kinda cruel ehh...

Well I do this for a living... and I believe in heaven... and animals there and no I don't want you to tell me the Bible says BLA BLA BLa... I know what I belive and why... and I don't wanna here it...

Memo To Human Resources - TMBG
I'll be in the back, and I don't need the help
I'm good here in the back
I'm good all by myself
I'm busy taking stock of all the things that I've forgot (5 4 3 2)
And making mental notes of just exactly where I lost the plot (2 2 2 2)
I stuck around too long feeling sorry for myself
A disinvited guest rifles through the bathroom shelf
I'm searching for some disbelief that I can still suspend (5 4 3 2)
But never mind the furthermore-the plea is self-defense again (2 2 2 2)

So Jack is twisted about it I just wonder day and night if I am doing the right thing... The RIGHT right thing would be $1000.00 SXs for all... which I lack the ability to do... am I a bad Tecnician??? Maybe... But this is life... thats how it goes, right, right...

(sip)

right... so the choice is pretty much made... what would I rather... if I was presented the choice... as a Rat...

I just don't know... But don't hate me world... I think I am doing the right thing...

.
Song stuck in my head today...

Ladder

Today and every day (repeat 4x)

I'm standin' here in your closet
Unbuttonin' all your clothes
I sleep in your bed tonight
But I never find you home
You're givin' me crooked answers
I'm crackin' your little code
I'm learnin' another language
So full it's about to explode
You give me a ladder now
I surely believe I'll climb
It don't even matter now
I'm willing to take my time

I'm gonna love you anyway
Today and every day (repeat 2x)
I'm gonna love you anyway
Today and every day (repeat 2x)

I wanted it to be easy
I know that I'll make you tired
Some tell me you're slow and lazy
Some tell me you're so inspired
You wanted a long flirtation
Your plane doesn't ever land
Some things I don't want to look at
I don't want to understand but
You give me a ladder now
I surely believe I'll climb
It don't even matter now
I'm willing to take my time
I'm gonna love you anyway
Today and every day (repeat 2x)
I'm gonna love you anyway
Today and every day (repeat 2x)
Today and everyday...

3 sick rats and a bottle of baily's

2004-11-21T22:46:00.000-08:00

or is that vodka...

Mrs L: hey
LB: Howdy goes!?
Mrs L: beeh better... you know where i can get some chloraforme
LB: I have some. Why?
Mrs L: you can't hate me
LB: I can and do (just kidding!) I won't.
Mrs L: I have some rats and it's there time... tumors and uti
LB: Chloroform isn't fatally poisonious.
Mrs L: well I thought in large sustained doses it killed rats... but more importantly sedated them
Mrs L: if it replaced o2 so to speak
LB: Ah yes, if you soffocated them I suppose it would. You could just put them in the garage with the engine running to do that.
Mrs L: yipes... and no garage... an
LB: "an?" Anyway, yes you can have my chloroform, though I think it's not as easy to kill with it as you think. If you have the balls to anestetise them and then slit their throats (I seem to barely have the balls to type it), that might be best.
Mrs L: I couldn't do that.... atleast I am pretty sure....the theory was anestise them then close jar...
Mrs L: this is tough "L"
LB: I'm sorry, I know. I don't know what's best to do.
Mrs L: yeah... well if you are willing to give up some chlor... that is vry nice of you...

...
and That about sums up my day...

I am not going to dignify that with an answer day

2004-11-19T22:04:00.000-08:00

Or People who don't get the joke or know what the fuck they are talking about should shut the fuck up day

3 things
3. Nobody cares but everybody crys

2. The saddest compliment is the one you ask for

1. Tarantino sucks...

there... you got the night off

-.............."don't even know their own stupid business"

Well I'll be a rat bastard

2004-11-18T22:13:00.000-08:00

don't read me, read this TUESDAY NOV 16 2004: Volusia County on lockdown (scroll down)
much love,
mrs.L

Why I am angry today and other stories of courageous animals...

2004-11-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

Do not be sad, do not be sorry... do NOT move to Canada! Ohio is being counted as we type/lecture/read... then a re-count will happen... as of today only 81% of the provisional ballots are "legal". It's OK!!! People are working very hard to see if they can change things by January 6th!!!

So Right now I am not angry about the election... (ok just a bit) But that is ok!!!!

Check out VoterGate... be angry... repeat (i'm not smart, randi rhodes is)

and now on a personal (stupid) note...

I am mad at selfish people in the medical profession
I am mad at the makers of scrubs
I am SOOOOOOOOO mad at the GOP and Tom Delay (ass ass ass, 10 mill. LBS o'asses in a low carb ASS -s-a-n-d-w-i-c-h- or lettuce wrap or what ever the fuck those blind atkins followers eat...)
I am mad because impoverished, undereducated, single woman in Florida were covinced with $900.00 and a camcorders to subject their kids to the toxins in pesticides... (tanks randi)
I am mad because my old employer threatened me (idiots)
I am mad because the liberal community is is lying down...

I am happy 'cause for the first time in 3 years i can spend the holidays with me famila...

But that is another story...

I'm mad 'cause my husband is the sweetest, kindest, smartest WANK I ever met...
That is also another story, for another day, in another life...

the point is kids giving up gives us nothin...

-sigh
"In Tuesday's election, 29 precincts in Cuyahoga County, Ohio, reported votes cast IN EXCESS of the number of registered voters - at least 93,136 extra votes total. And the numbers are right there on the official Cuyahoga County Board of Elections website:
Bay Village - 13,710 registered voters / 18,663 ballots cast
Beachwood - 9,943 registered voters / 13,939 ballots cast
Bedford - 9,942 registered voters / 14,465 ballots cast
Bedford Heights - 8,142 registered voters / 13,512 ballots cast
Brooklyn - 8,016 registered voters / 12,303 ballots cast
Brooklyn Heights - 1,144 registered voters / 1,869 ballots cast
Chagrin Falls Village - 3,557 registered voters / 4,860 ballots cast
Cuyahoga Heights - 570 registered voters / 1,382 ballots cast
Fairview Park - 13,342 registered voters / 18,472 ballots cast
Highland Hills Village - 760 registered voters / 8,822 ballots cast
Independence - 5,735 registered voters / 6,226 ballots cast
Mayfield Village - 2,764 registered voters / 3,145 ballots cast
Middleburg Heights - 12,173 registered voters / 14,854 ballots cast
Moreland Hills Village - 2,990 registered voters / 4,616 ballots cast
North Olmstead - 25,794 registered voters / 25,887 ballots cast
Olmstead Falls - 6,538 registered voters / 7,328 ballots cast
Pepper Pike - 5,131 registered voters / 6,479 ballots cast
Rocky River - 16,600 registered voters / 20,070 ballots cast
Solon (WD6) - 2,292 registered voters / 4,300 ballots cast
South Euclid - 16,902 registered voters / 16,917 ballots cast
Strongsville (WD3) - 7,806 registered voters / 12,108 ballots cast
University Heights - 10,072 registered voters / 11,982 ballots cast
Valley View Village - 1,787 registered voters / 3,409 ballots cast
Warrensville Heights - 10,562 registered voters / 15,039 ballots cast
Woodmere Village - 558 registered voters / 8,854 ballots cast
Bedford (CSD) - 22,777 registered voters / 27,856 ballots cast
Independence (LSD) - 5,735 registered voters / 6,226 ballots cast
Orange (CSD) - 11,640 registered voters / 22,931 ballots cast
Warrensville (CSD) - 12,218 registered voters / 15,822 ballots cast

The Republicans are so BUSTED. http://boe.cuyahogacounty.us//BOE/results/...esults1.htm#top"

-Tim Einenkel

The Underblog

2004-11-16T17:16:00.000-08:00

i AM so fuckin itchy today. I woke up at 7am, then 9am then 11:30am... decided to clean... he... Watched 4 hours of Six Feet Under (which i should never do 'cause I then I hear "Claire's Voice" in my head "for like" hours upon hours, then I freaked and cleaned the walls and cobwebs (ummmm can we say metaphor) of my house and tried to clean the floors... but couldn't.

(longest run-on sentence ever) Then I ran to the compy and read some blogs... nothin new from my friends (sigh) and my husband called... and the monitor was flipping out while the phone was buzzing... so I couldn't focus... and i kept beating the monitor with the phone... and cap'n Jack was asking if I was "ok"... and I said yeah... then I realized he took the car so he had my cigs...

So I got off the phone... and walked to the closest liquor store... but while I was walking home some guy in a wrench/penis shirt asked me for a cig and I gave it to him realizing he was probably to young which started this "play" in my head where he was either trying to fallow me home (he was behind me most of the way) or he was this young looking agent who was going to fine me for giving cigs to the youth of America... so i crossed the street early... and of course it was all in my head...

I get Home and I have Hang stuck in my head... and it wont stop... But let me go back a step or two one of my kitties is 12-13 years old... and he pucked this am... which is when I realized there were 3-4 puke stains in the same area where I went to clean it up.... well I found Thomas later as I was kicking my kids out of the "den" as we have some to name it... and I picked him up and (couldn't help myself) asked him if he was sick... and he yawned... sigh...I know... just take him into be seen...

but he's so old...

But
But
But...

2 more things... i wanted to start this blog with "no one is fucking reading this"... bla bla bla passive aggressive BS... and then I thought about the blog with the pics of the war... and how this was kinda less important but good for me, and if it was just and under-blog (like under the surface... or under-important) it didn't really matter... it's like a new diary...

and I've changed my mind... the other thing is just for me...

"she grabs her magazines
she packs her things and she goes
she leaves the pictures hanging on the wall, she burns all
her notes and she knows, she's been here too few years
to feel this old

he smokes his cigarette, he stays outside 'til it's gone
if anybody ever had a heart, he wouldn't be alone
he knows, she's been here too few years to be gone

and we always say, it would be good to go away someday
but if there's nothing there to make things change
if it's the same for you I'll just hang"
-Hang, Matchbox 20

on this empty stretch of highway

2004-11-16T17:10:00.000-08:00

On this empty stretch of highway, I am afraid to put you on paper
Inside I was a forest
but the leavers are all brown
some trees fallen
but please take a leaf,
just a small one
twist it just a little.

I think my leaves could turn for you

and as you leave this time I hold this picture
perfect symbol

as if I could hold you.

So sad and so so sorry

2004-11-16T16:33:00.000-08:00

Please Pass the sadness along... These Pics are graphic in content...
falluja pictures

Also ...

2004-11-15T17:32:00.000-08:00

watch sorry everybody for an asylum theme-ed sorry note... that was me :)

So Much to say, so much to say, so much to say, so much to say...

2004-11-15T15:23:00.000-08:00

I would love to bore you with I was at work for 54 hours this week and did last minuet myelograms at 4:54 when i was off work at 5:00 bla bla bla snore... sigh... what were u saying???? But this week was exaugesting...

Thus no bloggie...

I need to win the lotto... The my life stops sucking lotto... well anywho....
I have so many things I wanna talk about which ends up getting lost in the shuffle to be up @ 4:30 am and working for everyone else and the rampent stupidity...and the watching adult swim on tivo, and sending 5 min with my husband... and feeding 20 some odd pets... in fact... what the fuck am i doing with a blog anyway...

sigh
onto something smart
The main Thing(s) I have wanted to say... but haven't had the drive/time/desire to... weird...
(part one, my husband is wonderfull, but he can sometimes be a wank... like when he didn't notice he made me cry... for 10 min... while we were in the same room, in the same bed... )

Revenge Burrito (ANT, TMBG)
There's a penis drawn on the wall at 19th & Harrison
There's a penis drawn on the wall at 19th & Harrison
But you think that's OK while you're angry

There's a club footed pigon at 19th & Harrison
There's a club footed pigon at 19th & Harrison
But you think that's OK while you're angry

I spent money on a revenge burrito, when I had a sack lunch
I spent money on a revenge burrito, when I had a sack lunch

My Husband will be shot on sight at 19th & Harrison
My Husband will be shot on sight at 19th & Harrison
But you think that's OK while you're angry

I love the taco truck at 19th and Harrison
I love the taco truck at 19th and Harrison
While the ant crawls up your back while you're no longer hungry...

(Part 2, Shut up non belivers...)

Do ur self a favor and listen to air america especially 3-7 mon-fri... please

Checkout Move on

This made me cry
I am not kidding...

(part 3, me)

How I see me... (in third person)
Married 23 year old who just started careing (more) about the world again, like she was sleeping... and had slightly less of a clue...
Works as a vet tech, wishes she was making silly films... and intelligent music videos, and sexy, intelligent t-shirts/bumper stickers...with and am talkshow... and a independent tv show ...

She has
7 guinea pigs

8 rats

1 Russian Tortoise

1 Corn Snake

5 cats

1 pit bool

(none of these pic are my actual pets)

I was married at The Tropicana in Vegas (baby)... and I am not ashamed... and I wear no dimond...(but I will someday)(a very small one)...

I was born in Syracuse, New York and Now Live in California...

- and that is some of the story

Oh your hands are really shaking something awful...

2004-11-10T19:29:00.000-08:00

I didn't want to make this sandwich... but ifin Ima gonna write to night I need food!!!

First of all I would like to say I am living off a Dr.Worm Diet of beer, sandwiches and ... well crumbs (sorry love) and I came home to night with the purpose of... well sleeping....

But!!!!! No Rest for the wicked...
speaking of rest... you know when ur tired... and you say it... and whom ever ur talking to "HAS TO let you go", like you said "well my foot just fell off"..." well i just got bit byTiger " ... "Well I am supposed to be in charge of whether Arafat is alive or dead... but who cares...

I am perpetually tired...

Today LB (My Fave Crazy Baby) and I Blathered about America and he's depressed and I am nOT! I said I refuse to Be! I will not lie down (and inevitably "take it", ouch) I will Hold on, strong in the conviction that a lot can change between now and January 6th... I did for 3 days... But I don't think anyone knew what to do Nov.2nd-5th... anywho

The man in the Long Black coat said he had to go and watch orgazmo... but not before he made sure i was drinking...

and I mused about missing him... while making my sandwich

and I swear i could see my husband, Cap'n (meaner then me( but Jack)) Jack standing being me in ghost form... which was one of the scariest moments of my life...

and the best sandwich I ever had...
(kids don't write when tired... unless it has a point a-b form... Like a term paper, of amendments to the constitution)

"No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful" -Mrs. L
"No, Half of america got what they wanted and that is horrible"-LB

He Pours a night Cap

2004-11-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

He pours a night cap
While I make some tea
Sleepy in this sleep city
Is that was it is?
He's far drunker than I, I realize
after getting off the phone with the monster
"and some day when the finances are in order
i'll say better then fine"
we are preparing for the worst
in our own little ways
it's sad to be single
and sad not to change
I'm happy enough
which is more then before
but I haven't found my keys yet...
and where is the door?
-night kids

"It reminds me of driving into Vegas... once you get really on the road, in the desert, there's nothing but you and emptiness forever. When you get closer to the city, you start to see lights. Everyone gets excited and you drive a little faster, everybody lights up a cigarette and starts making plans for dinner. It's an illusion of the desert, though, and those lights are a long way off. You settle down, confident that we'll all make it, eventually. Soon the lights are all around you, you're there, the desert disappears and the silence is broken by the hum of fluorescent. Then you realize you're still in the desert and the brilliance is nothing more than a pit stop, Vegas-style, there's a family-style restaurant and a single casino and More Desert. But far, far off, are more lights, bigger and brighter than before. And you remember, after hours of desert has numbed your mind and your legs. You remember that part of the fun of this vacation was the car, and the excitement, the getting there-- just as much as the casinos and the hotel and drinking until dawn."
-S.D.

I am a fallower...

2004-11-09T17:25:00.000-08:00

Look away.... Dixie Land...

2004-11-09T13:54:00.000-08:00

I will Not Lecture... Fuck That Shit! But... I will make lists....

Take that Swan...

WeB SiTes For ThE HerE AnD NOW !!!
www.AdultSwim.com
www.Homestarrunner.com
www.Blackboxvoteing.org -BREAKING -- SUNDAY Nov. 7 2004: Freedom of Information requests at http://www.blackboxvoting.org have unearthed two Ciber certification reports indicating that security and tamperability was NOT TESTED and that several state elections directors, a secretary of state, and computer consultant Dr. Britain Williams signed off on the report anyway, certifying it.
www.blackboxvoteing.com I don't honestly know why...
www.therandirodesshow.com 25% OF THE PEOPLE CAN NOT BE WRONG!
www.tmbg.com free music for that masses (that like they might be giants)
http://www.gonzo.org/ duh... not by hst
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/_/id/6562575?&rnd=1098394261180&has-player=true by hst
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/archive?columnist=hunter_s._thompson&root=page2 Dito
http://www.photodump.com/direct/Chewbacca/arafat.jpg

Why... 'Cause I haven't had a coffee yet!!!! so I felt like it......

Let's keep this narssistic list-train rolling... not like anyone is reading this crap anyway....

Music in my playlist right now...
Joan Osborne - Crazy Baby, Pensicola, Dracula moon
They Might be Giants (live in sf), Drink, End of the tour, Birdhouse, Clap your hands, James K. Polk,Don't lets start, exparimental film, Not live = Canada Haunts me, Certain people I could name,
7 mary 3- Lucky
Poe-Jane Says

BookS!!!
Stiff
the Proud Highway

Cigs- Chesterfields.... sigh... not Dunhills

Drinks I wish I had right now:
Black and Tan
Mango Mag-rita
Midori Mag-rita
Irish Car Bomb
ZD Chard
Killians
Gunness
Old rasputian...

ALL AT ONCE
(dear lord no)

But Most of All.... COFFEE!

" And the Moral of the story is never lean on the weird. Or they will chop your head off. And perverts will eat you brains."
-HST

(NX)

Don't lets start

2004-11-08T19:22:00.000-08:00

... I have a weak... heart

sometime I forget I smoke... and I'll be in the middle of a cigarette and wonder "when did i start smoking???"
... no more box wine for me... much more box wine for me... never never, ever, never... no wait to much, but not enough wine for me...

"I'm thinking of current events... but it's all so horrible" -Flansburg
Here in my home on the edge of the woods I listen to Osborne (Joan) and wonder... but I am not entirely sure about what...
and if I keep blogging why would I ...

could I have nothing to talk about... Like when people ask how your days was and you say "fine" hummm

Just fine...

The lottery wont save anyone of us kids... we are on our own... so stop the dreaming

evolve or die...

But if I die now... who will make my movies??? Who will put Captain meaner then me through Law school, who will pay Dr. worm's debts, who will start my radio program, my public access tv show,Dr.W's, Swan D's and my t-shirt company... "who will make poison flowers"... who will take swan d to Europe with a camcorders and laptop... and tell America what the rest of the world really thinks...

and who will clean up the mess...

"In your monkey suit on a cigarette break The lunchtime crowd, they won't even blink

But you'd be sad if they did But you'll be sad...

Let's drink, drink this town is so greatDrink, drink cuz it's never too late To drink, drink to no big surprise But what words rhyme with buried alive What words rhyme with buried alive"

-Drink!, tmbg

I don't know kids... it all hurts

"Heaven help us all" 11-2-04, Swan D.

To Sad to write... to post... to breath ... to to far behind

2004-11-08T16:47:00.000-08:00

"SHAME ON YOU COLORADO!!!!"

Somewhere Hst is drowning in a mag-rita and and buying plane tickets to God knows where....

But I guess at some point this is supposed to be about me...

staying in my PJs That is my update...

Listening to "Canada Haunts me" with a smirk on my face...

Slowly moving closer to the red wine 'Cause to early in the day

... will be a forgotten concept....

well Kids... i don't know what to tell you...

I wish for more and care way to deeply....

oh yeah

....

Lyrics Stuck in my head for days....

"No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful Everybody dies frustrated inside and that is beautiful
They want what they're not and I wish they would stop saying,Deputy dog dog a ding dang depadepa Deputy dog dog a ding dang depadepa
D, world destruction Over and overture N, do I need apostrophe T, need this torture?
Don't don't don't let's start This is the worst part
Could believe for all the world That you're my precious little girl
But don't don't don't let's start I've got a weak heart
And I don't get around how you get around

I don't want to live in this world anymore
I don't want to live in this world"
-don't let's start, TMBG

He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teethPeople should get beat up for stating their beliefs
He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teethBecause he knows there's no such thing
Shoehorn W/Teeth, TMBG

"Death to pretenders"

Finally rest for the wicked

2004-10-31T13:16:00.000-08:00

Finally Rest for the wicked... time to check my email...

Woke up @ "9:00" am 'cause a DST... ass... total ass, ten pound of ass on an ass sandwich...
and two day till the election... was that a GOP conspiracy... confuse the people with time so they wont vote... and get fired ... cause they showed up to work late... so they will all go to a community college and get some "education"...

ya dig
sigh...
No voting intimidation in my little neck of the woods, comrades... but plenty of vets... and liquor stores... and the elderly...

and trees for miles...

Evolve or die Kids, Evolve or die